Lucita sat on the roof, waiting for Jason. Twirling the hair at the back of her neck, she wondered how she would bring up what she had seen the other night. She thought about saying, “Yo, what’s the deal with you kissing Amelia?” but that didn’t have any tact…or sound right. Like, what the hell, how do you confront someone about something terrible you saw?

She had already spilled to Francis, the secret pouring out at her when she saw him. Lucita had to say something to someone and he had been the first person she had seen. Thank god. Imagine if she had sputtered it in front of Silvia, Blake, or worse, Becca.

Now, that would have been a nightmare.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lucita looked up at Jason as he approached. She had to admit that a part of her (a tiny part) was jealous that he had kissed Amelia and not her. But that was a bad thought. She should be thankful it hadn’t been her. God, what was wrong with her?

“My thoughts cost a nickel.”

“Damn, those must be some good thoughts,” he said, taking a seat.

“Well, you know, I’m just awesome. Plus, I need to copyright a bunch of it. I’m a writer, ya know.”

“Oh, I know.” Jason sat beside her, his hand on the roof just inches away from her. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Who sleeps? Besides, it’s Friday night, and my mom is taking a nap, and I told her I was going to be up here.”

“Cool, cool.”

“Yup.” Why was this so awkward? It’s not like they hadn’t hung out, just the two of them before. Ugh, she hated this.

“So, Luci, can I ask you something?”

“Oh, of course.”

“Cool. So, um, do you think I’ve been doing good this past week? Like, okay, what I mean is, do you think Liz and I have been good? Better?”

Oh, Jason. “Yeah, I mean, she seems to trust in what you have to say.” Oh Luci, bad Luci, why did you phrase it like that?!

“Uh, yeah. So anyway, do you think it will last? Do you think we should be together?”

Luci stared at him, eyes wide. She didn’t even know where to begin to answer that question. “Dude, that’s like…are you happy?”

“Are you?” She didn’t like how his eyes seemed to pierce into her. He saw her more than she liked.

“Don’t project, dude. Answer the question?”

He looked away briefly before turning right back to her, his eyes tracing her face, lingering on her lips in a way that made her stomach flip-flop, in a way that made her want to fall into him.

“Yeah,” he said, finally looking away. “I’m happy right now. But it’s complicated.”

“Why?”

“Because I have feelings for someone else too.”

Lucita swallowed. “Amelia?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Jason.” She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “I saw you making out with her at the party.”

His head turned sharply, his eyes narrow. “And, what, you’ve said nothing all week? Why didn’t you say anything, Luce?”

“How do you even start that conversation. What, was I just supposed to come up to you and say, ‘Hey Jason, I saw you do something you shouldn’t be doing.’ I mean, I don’t understand. I mean, okay, like, I get it. Liz hasn’t exactly been treating you fairly. I can see she’s keeping you at arm’s length. She’s being abrasive, more than usual, anyway. Like,” she took a deep breath, “Look, I get it. If you push someone enough, they are going to just give up. So have you, ya know, given up?”

“I don’t know.” His shoulders fell, and he looked down. “Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

“Do you want me to?”

He laughed, short and bitter. “No thanks, you’re a little scary when angry.”

“Good to know. Besides, I don’t think I need to. You look like you’re beating yourself up enough.” She touched his shoulder gently, itching to make him look back at her. “Jason—”

“I’ll figure it out. I just need some time, Luce.”

She nodded, pulling her hand back. “Okay.”

They let the silence hang between them, letting the sounds of traffic and crickets thicken the air.

“How are you doing Luci?”

“Better. I’m not crying at night so much.”

“What about the other thing?”

This time, she pulled away from him, caving in on herself. “I haven’t stopped, okay. I try. It’s not like I like doing it. But, sometimes, everything hurts. My nails, my heart, my hair. And doing it, it’s like I can trap all the pain I feel into one thing, and it makes everything better.”

Lucita looked over at him. Once again, his eyes had no judgment, just sadness and understanding.

“Do you want me to spend the night?”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Probably not, but I want to be there for you when you can’t sleep.”

Lucita thought against it. It was a bad idea, a terrible idea, to sleep with her best friend’s boyfriend. This boy who clearly had feelings for her. This boy she also felt something for. This guy who made her feel warm the same way Cyrus did.

But Lucita was a selfish person.

“Please sleep with me tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll be back later tonight. Do you think maybe this time I can walk through the front door?”

Lucita laughed. “We’ll see about it.” Lucita stood up, dusting the dirt off her shorts. “Hey, we’re all getting together at Vee’s house to hang out tomorrow. Well, Liz isn’t coming. She has other plans.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Blake would probably drag me there anyway.”

“He really likes Becca, doesn’t he.” It wasn’t a question. She noticed how he was with her, kinder, softer. A better version of the guy he had pretended to be when Luci had first met him.

“Yup. Shit, you know everything is fucked when he’s the one in a healthy and stable relationship.”

Luci laughed. “Don’t worry. Everything between you and Liz will patch itself up.”

“I guess. Maybe—” He stopped, looking off into space at the flat tops of the apartment complex surrounding the building they were in.

“Jason?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He offered her a small smile. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Lucita sat back down and watched him leave, walking across the roof towards the maintenance emergency ladder. It was moments like this when she wished she had a phone and hadn’t thrown it across her grandmother’s living room, smashing it.

Jason lay on his bed thinking about what Lucita had said. He couldn’t tell her how he felt, especially since he was dating her best friend. That would just be wrong and put Lucita in an awkward position. Even more so.

He wanted to tell her. Jason had wanted to kiss her. He had wanted to confess everything to her.

But then he’d ruin her friendship with Liz. Right now, he was the one taking the bulk of her abuse, pulling it away from Lucita.

But could he keep doing that?

And Luci…she had only seen some of what had happened with Amelia. Because if she had seen Amelia drag him into her bedroom. If he had seen everything that followed, him losing his virginity to this girl who was a year younger than him, she’d hate him.

When had everything gotten so serious and messed up?

“Yo, dude.” Jason sat up, staring confused, at Blake standing in his doorway.

“What are you doing here?”

“What, can’t I come chill out?” He gave him a pointed look.

Jason groaned. Sometimes, he hated the fact that Blake was his best friend. “You know.”

“Well, I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re hiding something, and you’ve been acting really sweet with Liz lately. Not to mention, every time Amelia passes our classroom, you conveniently ask to use the restroom. I’m not an idiot; anyone paying attention can see something between you two. So you wanna tell me what is up?”

“Blake—”

“What the hell are you doing, dude?”

“Messing up my life.”

“Dude, not just your life. Their lives, too. Liz, Amelia, and, yes, Lucita. Who do you think Liz will take her anger out on?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, dude, you don’t.” Blake walked in, closing the door behind him. Leaning against the door, Blake let out a heavy and dramatic sigh. “You’re hurting Liz, you know that. She’s not even my favorite person. Honestly, I can’t stand the girl. But this shit, it’s not fair. And we all know who you really want. So you need to choose.”

“I can’t—”

“Bullshit. Fuck dude, you love Luci, so tell her instead of playing these games with Amelia and Liz.”

“Oh shut up. You’re a hypocrite, you know that. You act like I don’t know you still have feelings for Silvia. Like you don’t want to be with her—”

“Okay, fine, let’s say that that is hypothetically correct. We tried it, and it failed. She didn’t trust me. It hurt, and I rebounded with she-who-must-not-be-named. We failed. But you know what, at least I’m moving on or trying to. I’m making an effort to let go.”

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“Dude, you started dating Liz because we all told you to. Because Luci told you to. I don’t doubt you like Liz, but you don’t have a crush on her like you used to before you met Luci. The moment those feelings became stronger, you should have backed out.”

“And Amelia?”

“She looks like Luci, dude! Except for her eyes, she could be a carbon cutout. The purple and black hair—”

“It’s brown.”

“Whatever, dude, it’s dark. And you’re missing my point. She is what you’re settling for, and the fact that she adores you makes you happy. I get it.”

“Is that why you’re dating Becca?”

“Okay, yeah, at first. I asked Becca out because I wanted to hurt Vee, and you know what? It was nice to be with someone who liked me, who really liked me. But, yo, I like her. She’s fun, she’s smart, she’s sweet. Surfing with her is a blast. Just being able to spend time with her like that, I like that shit. I like being with her.”

“I like Amelia—”

“No, dude! No, you do not—”

“I like her enough!” yelled Jason, getting up to shove Blake into the door.

Blake let him hold him there, looking into his eyes. “If that were true, you would have already broken up with Liz. You wouldn’t be keeping a girl on the side like Tiffany did with me and Lucas.”

Jason stumbled back. It felt like being slapped, being compared to her, this girl who had taken Blake and wrapped him around her finger, only to crush him beneath it.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. What kind of a friend would I be if I lied to you. You want Luci, face it, and be honest about it. But if you’re choosing not to do anything about that, if you’re choosing to stay silent about your feelings, you’re going to keep fucking up, and those girls, Luci included, they are all going to get hurt.”

Jason flopped back onto his bed, defeated. Blake took a seat at his desk. “So, what do you suggest I do?”

“Choose quickly before you slip up and ruin everything. You’re going to hurt Liz, and I may not like the girl, but no one deserves this. Either choose Luci or choose neither girl. It’s as simple as that man.”

“Yeah, I know. Blake, fuck, I messed up. Amelia and I, we—”

“Dude!” Blake fell off the chair. “You lost it? I’m torn. A part of me wants to high-five you, and then this other part wants to punch you in the face. Especially after this speech I just gave! Do you know how hard I worked on being this thoughtful?”

“You’re a great pal. Please keep your voice down. I really don’t want my mom to hear you.”

“Yeah, okay—wait, have you had sex with Liz?”

“No, just Amelia. And it was just the one time.”

“Well then, now that I know that, I’m gonna say you’re screwed, dude. That girl has her claws in you; from what I know about her, she won’t let you go. You’re fucked, pun intended. Damn, Luci’s been a bad influence on me.”

“Screw you.”

“No thanks, dude.” Blake laughed, and despite himself, Jason smiled at his friend on the floor laughing.

“Anyway, is that speech the only reason you came?”

“Pretty much. Look, man, if you want to be with Amelia, then be with Amelia. If you want to be with Liz, be with Liz.”

“It’s not as easy as that.”

“Only because you’re overcomplicating it. Just don’t mess up. Amelia may be okay with whatever this situationship you have, but it won’t last. If you keep it up, Liz will find out, and none of us want to see that fall out.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jason looked at his watch. It was nearly midnight, almost time to head over to Lucita’s. “I’m so fucked.”

“Royally.”

Jason sat with Silvia on her bed while Becca and Blake set up the monopoly board. They were currently hunting down some of the pieces that seemed to be missing. Lucita sat crossed-legged at the computer, chomping on an apple while chatting online with Cyrus. Everything was peaceful until Lucita screamed, dropping her apple to the ground and sending the chair sprawling into the monopoly board, almost smacking Blake in the face.

“Geez, what the hell, Luce?”

“No! Nononononononono!” Jason jumped from the bed, grabbed Luci, and pulled her hands away from where she was pulling at her hair. Her shirt pulled up, almost revealing the crisscross of scars, some of which were fresh. Pinning her arms down, he pulled her close to his chest and looked at the computer screen over her head.

“Holy shit,” he muttered.

“Oh my god,” said Silvia, leaning forward to stare. “It can’t be.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” said Blake dropping one of the pieces he found.

There on the computer screen was a picture of Cyrus with his arms draped around none other than Tiffany Hunter, the girl they all hated.

“Blake, you said she would be miserable.” Jason held Lucita tightly, his arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her upright as she stared angrily at the computer screen.

“I thought she would be! Not dating your ex-boy toy.”

“Don’t call him that!” Jason held her back from lunging, taking out her rage on Blake in this small room.

“Look, just calm down,” said Silvia, sitting at the computer. “Uh, Cyrus is typing. He wants to know what you think.”

“Sounds like he’s fishing,” muttered Blake.

“Oh, I’ll tell him what I think. That she’s a conniving, lying, manipulative bitch!” She tried to lunge again, but Jason held her tight.

“Don’t let her go,” said Silvia.

“He won’t believe you,” said Becca, “not with your history. You’re not there, and he will call you jealous and say you’re lying.”

“But I’m not! We know I’m not! Maybe if it’s all of us—”

“Naw, not without him being here. Tiff has him wrapped around her finger. She’ll lie, and he will probably believe her.”

“Blake’s right,” said Jason. “You have every reason to lie to him. She doesn’t.”

“But it wouldn’t be a lie!”

“He’s a guy,” said Blake. “We think with our small heads half the time.”

Lucita gave up her fight. They all knew Cyrus well enough to know he wouldn’t believe her. He cared about Luci, but she loved him, and he knew it. Tiffany would twist anything she said to fit her narrative.

“Look, I’ll say she looks nice,” Silvia turned to the keyboard. “It’s a bald-faced lie, but she’ll slip, and he’ll figure it out soon enough.” She started typing before freezing again. “Oh crap.”

“What?”

Silvia swallowed, eyes wide, looking at her. “He wants to video chat.”

“No. I can’t. I can’t just sit there and pretend like I don’t know her! I can’t sit there and lie about this!”

“You’re gonna have to. He’s calling,” said Blake. He met Jason’s gaze. “I think you can let her go now, dude.” Jason hadn’t realized he was still holding Lucita tightly and nearly jumped back when he let go. Silvia stared at him while she gave Lucita back the chair, sticking to her side. He stepped close to her side as Lucita put on the fakest expression, all smiles to hide her pain and anger.

Cyrus’s face filled the screen, and a bitter taste filled his mouth. “Hey guys!”