“Seriously,” began Liz, snacking on some Halloween candy with Lucita. Luci sat on the floor of her bed, sucking on a lollipop in her medieval sorceress costume that exposed more skin than her grandmother would have liked. Which is precisely why she had chosen it. She liked being spiteful, even in spirit.

“Yup,” she said, checking the time. They still had a bit before they headed to the school Halloween dance.

“I can’t believe you lost your virginity to Matthew of all people. I thought you were all about Cyrus.”

“Romantically, yes, I am all about him. But he’s currently dating the spawn of evil. Besides, we tried, we couldn’t get it to work.” Luci often wondered if it had been her, had she been the problem, wanting it so badly with him. “With Matt, it was easy. It just, well, it happened.” And kissing him had been amazing, she thought. It had felt natural to her, which was still weird when she thought about it.

“Well, come on, how was it?” Lucita could feel her cheeks burning. “Wow, that good?”

“It was amazing. There were times when I was, I don’t know, confused. Like, what do I do? But, I don’t know, with Matt, that went away. It was just a whole lot of wanting, and I didn’t have to think, ‘am I kissing him right, am I holding him right?’ It was just natural.”

“Wow. See, I want my first time to be with someone I care about.”

“See, I wanted that too. But I think that’s why things didn’t work between me and Cyrus. I think we just got too much in our heads about whether we were doing things the right way instead of just trusting our instincts. Like I said, I didn’t overthink anything with Matt, so everything happened naturally.”

“I guess that makes sense. Do you see yourself doing it with Matthew again?”

Lucita shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t plan on it, but I also hadn’t planned on it the other day either.”

“But you want to, don’t you?” Liz eyed her with a judgement-free smile.

Lucita rolled her eyes. “I don’t know! It was really good.”

“I can’t believe it. Of all people, you picked Cyrus’s best friend.”

“Ugh Liz!”

“Sorry, sorry, not judging. I’m just saying you can’t wait forever for the dude who can’t even figure out how he feels about you. Maybe this is the universe putting you two together.”

Lucita cringed at the thought. “No, absolutely not. Crazy talk, girl!”

“Anyway, have you told anyone else?”

“Nope, just you. You’re my best friend. I tell you everything.” She winked at her, grabbing a few Reese’s from the bowl between them.

“So, no telling anyone else about the plot to get Cyrus pulled from school?”

“I prefer to call it the plot to save Cyrus from a toxic witch.”

“Oh,” said Liz, mouth full, “that’s a much better name.” Both girls laughed until Liz’s phone rang. Lucita could tell by her smile that it was Francis.

“Is that Francis?”

“Yup. My god, people keep asking me if we’re friends since I’m dating him.”

“Um, it was my idea, why wouldn’t we be friends.”

Liz eyed her warily. “Because it’s not normal, Luce.”

“Um, hello, I’m not normal!” Lucita laughed, grabbing Liz’s black eyeliner to add fake stitches to the sides of her mouth. She grinned back at Liz, a big toothy grin, before switching it to a small smirk. She was trying out new smiles, hating how much teeth and gum she showed when she smiled. It was a new insecurity brought on by her family in the summer, her smile.

Why couldn’t she be good enough for anyone?

“Yup, definitely not normal,” joked Liz, looking at her phone. A shadow fell over her face, one that Lucita didn’t like. “Hey Luce?”

“What’s up?”

“How are you? I mean, don’t get mad, but lately, since you came back, and now this stuff with Matthew, you seem, I don’t know, erratic? I want to make sure you’re okay, that you haven’t, you know.”

“Cutting myself? You can say it.” It came out more hostile than she intended, but she was annoyed. Erratic? Is that how they all saw her now? “For the record, I am peachy and haven’t cut myself in ages.” It was a lie, but one she needed Liz to believe. “So don’t worry.”

Liz opened her mouth to say something, but thankfully, her mom opened the door to peek inside.

“Girls? Your ride is here.”

“Thanks, mom,”

“Thanks for letting me hang out, Ms. McKenda,” Lucita smiled sweetly at her before following Liz out of her bedroom and out the door, grabbing her tiny black purse.

The school rented a place on Young Circle, a small public gym they had outfitted to look like an auditorium. There were no tickets left available for purchase at the door, which left a lot of angry teenagers outside. Lucita was so proud that she forced everyone to purchase tickets when they went on sale.

Silvia parked the car, once again, thanks to Lucita. Liz had called shotgun, forcing Lucita to sit in the backseat with Becca. Blake had gone ahead with Jason and Amelia, whose mother had graciously agreed to drive them.

As they made their way towards the building, Lucita studied their costumes. Rebecca looked like she had just come from the beach (which she had), and Silvia was a fairy, Tinkerbell specifically, complete with a wig. The only costumeless was Liz, who had opted for her usual shorts, t-shirt, and Converse.

“Becca, you didn’t even try,” whined Lucita, pulling out her ticket.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been to the beach in forever and the waves were amazing. But hey, I can at least say I’m a surfer chick. Liz can’t say anything.”

“Please, it’s obvious she’s a punk,” she said with an eye roll, drapping her arms around Silvia’s shoulder, sharing a laugh. Liz glared at the pair of them.

“Oh, don’t be so serious, girlie. Becca has a point, so lighten up.”

“That girl will never lighten up.” Silvia groaned while Becca squealed in delight. Again, Luci rolled her eyes. Liz continued to stare ahead seriously. All the girls found themselves face to face with Blake, who now had his arms wrapped around Becca, and not far behind him were Jason and Amelia.

Lucita studied the girl who was dressed as a slutty pixie, showing way too much skin. She was holding tight to Jason, who was clearly a zombie with stitches on his mouth, just like Luci. Blake just looked like himself, except with fangs.

“You smell like coconut,” he said, kissing Becca.

Lucita stifled a laugh as Silvia made a gagging noise, looking away.

“I was at the beach.”

His lips quirked up in a small, gentle smile. One Luci found she liked on him. “Yeah, I know, you smell like it.” He looked up at Luci, giving her a wink. She smiled back at him, seeing his softer side, before rolling her eyes back at him. Maybe he was changing.

“Come on,” said Amelia, pulling Jason along after her. She gave them all an annoyed look, specifically Lucita.

“Is it just me, or does she remind anyone else of Tiffany?”

“She certainly has the attitude,” said Silvia.

“And the slutty personality,” finished Liz.

Luci sighed wistfully. “If only it was easy to get rid of all the girls we disliked. Blake, think of a plan.” Blake bowed while the girls laughed their way into the building. Her favorite math teacher was one of the chaperones, who waved at her, letting her by without even checking her ticket. Unlike everyone else around her, Luci loved math, which made her a bit of a teacher’s pet. She was good at it, probably even better at it than she was at writing. But as good as Luci was, her dreams changed. She went from being a little girl who dreamed about following her mother’s footsteps toward MIT to wanting to write and burying herself in storytelling.

When her dreams changed, was that when she became less than perfect? Was that when her mother and family saw her as less than?

Shaking away the thoughts, she looked around the auditorium. The decorations and the DJ were like something out of a teen drama.

“Well, you can’t say the school is cheap. Not a big fan of the principal, but he sure knows how to spoil us,” said Lucita, taking in the various decorations, the tombstones and bats, and the all-you-can-eat buffet on the far side of the room.

“Really? You’re still sore about last year,” snickered Silvia.

“That dude totally has me in his crosshairs.” The lights finally began to dim, and strobe lights flicked on, going between purple and green, adding to the ambiance. Tables circled the dance floor, and already sitting at one of them were Blake and Becca. How had they gotten food so fast? Silvia made another gagging expression.

“Those guys have the right idea,” began Liz, “I’m gonna grab some food.”

“I’m gonna dance!” Lucita pinched Silvia’s arm, mouthing for her to be nice. With that, Lucita headed to the dance floor. Her exhilaration faded quickly, though, and she froze on the edge of the dance floor. She was alone, entirely alone.

Someone placed a gentle hand on her lower back, and she spun around, ready to snatch the hand away, only to be greeted by Jason’s warm smile.

“We match,” she said, poking the side of his mouth right near his dimple.

“I noticed. I’m a zombie. What are you?”

“A disturbed medieval sorceress?” They laughed together until a body crashed into Lucita, sending her into Jason’s chest, his arms wrapping around her waist. He didn’t let go, glaring at the guy. Lucita’s eyes widened in shock when she turned to see who had crashed into her.

“Chris?”

“Oh! Luci! How are you, girl?” He was acting completely different from the other day. An easy, lazy smile on his face. But there was something there, something dark.

“Are you okay?” He wasn’t standing straight, swaying on his feet, but not in tune with the music. It was like he couldn’t stand still, the drink in his hand sloshing around.

“Yeah, but the world keeps moving!” He laughed, stumbling. Jason finally let go enough to catch Chris, steadying him.

Lucita studied him. “Oh my god, are you high?”

“As a kite!” His breath hit her face. No, not just high but drunk as well. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. Whatever he was on, she doubted it was pot. She had spoken to Cyrus on the phone high. He was always more chill, more relaxed, even a little sleepy. Whatever this was, this was not good.

“Maybe you should sit down.” She nodded at Jason to help her take him towards a table, a seat far away from any of the chaperones. But Chris shoved them both off him, stumbling back into another girl who glared and walked away. Lucita gave her a weak smile, looking at Jason for help.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Dude, you’re wasted,” said Jason, looking around cautiously.

“Chris, you could get in really big trouble if you’re caught. Come on, let’s sit down and get some water in you.”

“Maybe I want to get caught. Maybe I want people like you to see me.”

“People like me? Chris, what are you talking about? What’s going on?”

He laughed, still moving. “Like you care. You’re so freaking smart, smart like everyone else. But you’re so blind. Blind, blind, blind. You don’t see anything until it’s already too late. Bunch of superficial assholes.” The words stung her, catching her off guard.

“Look, man, whatever issues you’ve got, don’t take them out on Luci.”

“Oh, the girl who just dropped all of us ‘cause we weren’t smart enough for her?”

“I didn’t—that’s not—”

“Fuck you, fuck all of you.” He took another sip of his drink before dropping it to the ground. Jason and Luci jumped back before the drink could splash onto them. Lucita stood there stunned, eyes wide, watching Chris walk away, deliberately bumping into everyone in his way, attracting too much attention.

Maybe I want to get caught.

“You okay?” asked Jason, lighting touching her arm. She nodded, still watching until Chris was finally stopped by security. She cringed, looking away.

“I just…I didn’t drop him. We were friends but, I mean—”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. You don’t have to stay connected to everyone who was your friend at every moment.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried about him. I just—he was nice to me, the new girl. He was in my math class, and I ate lunch with him a couple of times.” She thought back, literally, just twice, until she had really formed her friendships with Silvia and the rest of them.

“I get it. Come on, let’s sit down.” He reached for her hand, pulling her along after him. Was that the kind of person she was? A person who just dropped people? Was she just like her mom, so self-involved she didn’t see the consequences of her actions?