Matt let Cyrus drive them both to Lucita’s house. Cyrus sat there, angry at himself. How could he let this happen? How could he not believe her? He wanted to punch himself. Matt hadn’t said I told you so. He had given Caroline his number, and for that, he was thankful.

“Thank you,” he said, suddenly catching Matt off guard.

“Um, for what?”

“For sticking up for Luci. For being her friend.” Cyrus let out a laugh. “How did that even happen anyway?”

Matt shrugged, not wanting to tell him the whole truth. “It just happened. We both care about you, and we bonded over that. We just wanted to get you away from Tiffany. Enemy of my enemy and all that shit.”

Cyrus almost wanted to laugh. “I’m glad. And I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t—I didn’t mean what I said.”

Matt sighed. “Yeah, you did. You never say anything you don’t mean. That’s just you. I guess, I mean, I knew, ya know. I knew you knew, but I never said anything because I knew you didn’t feel that way about me. I didn’t want you to ever feel weird.”

“I never felt weird around you.”

They sat there in silence for a moment. “Did you mean what you said about Luci?”

Cyrus flinched, switching out of the express lane with the ease of an experienced driver. “No. That…that was me just being angry.”

“Can I ask? I mean, we never really talked about it. But why didn’t you sleep with her?” Why couldn’t you when it had been so easy for me? Matt knew how Cyrus felt about Luci, even if he was in denial about it…as usual.

“I don’t know. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. There she was, this beautiful girl, naked, in my arms, and it was like ERROR 404. I couldn’t get it up. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I wanted her. I wanted her to be my first. But then I was just freaking out because she loves me, and how was that going to change everything about us? Fuck, I just couldn’t get out of my own head.”

Matt let that sit with him. How would Cyrus react if he ever found out about him and Luci. He didn’t want to think about it.

Cyrus swerved in and out of traffic until he saw the needed exit. There was something about Matt’s silence that was bothering him. But he didn’t want to think about it. All he wanted to do was get to the girl who needed him. The girl he cared about. The girl he had hurt…again. God, why was he always hurting her? Why couldn’t he just stop it? Lucita got under his skin. She knew him better than he liked. Or maybe he was just scared. Scared, she would see him for all his faults and finally realize he wasn’t someone worth loving.

Someone who didn’t deserve her.

They pulled up to the apartment complex, parking in the first spot available.

Cyrus led the way, running up the stairs. He knew everyone else would be with her. Would be around to console her.

He reached up to knock on the door but then stopped. What if she didn’t want to see him? What if she hated him? What if—? The door spun open before he could do anything, and there stood Luci. She just stared there for a moment, looking at him with her big brown eyes before throwing her arms around him. Gingerly, he hugged her back, eyes closed, breathing in her gardanian perfume. God, he missed her. Holding her tighter, he let her sob against him. There was nothing to say, nothing that would make this better.

“Come on,” he heard someone say, “let’s give them a moment.” He felt everyone brush past them, leaving them alone. Luci pulled back, sniffling back her tears, and walked back into the house, her hand holding his, and she dragged him after her.

Closing the door behind him, Cyrus didn’t know what to do.

“Luce,” he started. She spun around and kissed him, and he let her, taking her in his arms. God, he had missed her. This, her. He thought about the times he had made out with Tiffany, how it had felt hollow. Opening his mouth to Luci’s, he held her close. This was different. It was like electricity, a current lighting him up, and when she pulled away again, leaning her head on his chest, it was like peace.

“You’re really here.”

“I’m really here,” he said, holding her close. “Luce, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I let her manipulate me. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m so sorry I was so angry and stupid and…god, I’m sorry Luci.”

“It’s okay.” And that was that. She always forgave him. Every time he hurt her, she was quick to forgive him even when he didn’t deserve it. What would he do the day she decided enough was enough? When she decided she was too good for him? What would he do then?

“It’s really not Luce.” He pulled away and looked down at her. “Did you know she was cheating on me?”

He saw the fear light up her face from behind the glasses. “I…I didn’t think you would believe me.”

“I get it. Thank you for reaching out to Caroline. I just…I deserved it.”

“No one deserves that.” Her eyes watered again. “I messed up so badly, Cyrus.”

“No. Listen to me; you did not mess up. Matt told me what happened. He told me…he said this guy forced himself on you? Is that…Luci, what did he do?”

It made him so angry, thinking of some guy thinking he had a right to do whatever he wanted with her.

“It’s not that simple. The first kiss, he just kissed me, and I was so confused, and I let him. It’s my fault. I let him think it was okay. And then every other kiss after that…I said no, I did. I tried to pull away, and each time he told me he knew I loved him, he would kiss me, and I…I let him. It felt like I didn’t have a choice, ya know?”

Cyrus held her face in his hands and wiped away her tears. “No. What he did, that’s not on you at all, okay. It’s not…you’re not a bad person, Lu.”

“He sent out these fake photos to the whole school. Everyone is going to think it’s me in those pictures. Who’s going to believe me?”

“You’re friends will believe you. I believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

She leaned her head on his chest again, and Cyrus held her, unwilling to let her go.