Rebecca sat at lunch. Alone. Again. Liz and Evie had the next lunch period, and all her other friends…well, she didn’t really have any others anymore. So she sat, picking at her food.

“Hey, Becca.”

Becca looked up at Luci, tray in her hand. Was she eating?

“What?”

“I told you this was a mistake,” muttered Blake beside her, his own tray in his hand.

“Shush,” she said, shooting him a sideways glare. Turning back to Becca, she offered her a kind smile. “Um, anyway, we’re heading to our spot on the third floor. You can come join us if you want.”

“No, thank you.”

Luci nodded. “Okay. Well, the offer stands if you change your mind.” Luci walked off with Blake beside her. Becca gritted her teeth, watching them. Everyone chose Luci. Becca had stood by Liz, had been the only one to stand by her, and still, she had been cast aside. All Liz did was hang out with Evie. She wasn’t someone she knew anymore. Liz was someone else entirely, someone Becca decided she didn’t like.

But Luci had done something unforgivable, and everyone had just forgiven her without a second thought.

And now she was offering an olive branch to her, someone who had cast her aside. It was nice to be noticed.

Maybe she’d take Luci up on her offer. Maybe some other day, though. She had too much to think about. Like the things Olivia had said. Evie was like another Tiffany, except more wicked. Tiffany was selfish and did things for selfish reasons. Evie did things because she liked to be cruel. And every time she saw Becca, it was like she was thinking of all the different ways she could squish her.

Becca realized she had chosen the wrong side. She should have chosen Luci. It had been a mistake, and she knew Francis had been lying; she had felt it in her gut. But she hadn’t said anything, still angry and hurt with everything that had happened with Blake. Angry at everyone treating her like a child, keeping secrets from her.

Becca had been a coward.

Picking up her tray, she looked up at the third-floor balcony that overlooked the courtyard. She didn’t want to talk, but she was tired of being alone, tired of sitting at lunch alone, picking at her food. She was tired of being ignored.

Luci looked up at her from her spot on the floor as Becca exited the stairwell.

“Well, shit,” muttered Blake.

“Becca, hi.”

Becca swallowed, looking between the two of them. “Hi. Can I still join you?”

“Of course. How—”

“I don’t feel like talking if that’s okay.”

Luci studied her for a second before nodding. “Yeah, okay. That’s fine. Um, we were just talking about the pre-cal homework.”

“And Jason.”

Luci rolled her eyes. “Always, Jason. Um, see, I’m kind of dating—”

“Matthew, yeah, I know. Liz told everyone who would listen.”

Luci rolled her eyes again. “Of course she did.” She sighed. “Anyway, things are weird between us, and he’s decided to hang out with his ex.”

Becca stopped midbite to stare at Luci. “Amelia? Why is he hanging out with her? She’s got a boyfriend.”

Luci put down her carton of chocolate milk and studied Becca. “What do you mean? For how long?”

Becca shrugged. “Since the summer.”

She watched Luci look at Blake, whose head was in his hands. “Blake?”

“Fuck.”

“No, right?”

Becca didn’t like how they communicated, leaving her out of the loop. They shared a glance before Luci faced Becca. “Becs,” she said, using the familiar nickname, warming Becca’s insides, “Were they dating that night of the house party?”

“Yeah.”

“That little skank!”

“What’s going on?” asked Becca, confused.

“Ugh. That skank is totally trying to get back together with him.” Luci took a deep breath. “Okay, so at the party, those two hooked up. And I mean really hooked up. In his car. And this past week, she’s been inviting him everywhere.”

“She’s not a good person,” muttered Beca, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

“No, she’s not,” said Blake, looking at her sternly. Blake, her ex-boyfriend. They had fought so much in the end, and he chose Luci over Liz despite not really liking her. Now they were like best friends sitting here talking without speaking.

“Anyway,” said Luci after a breath, feeling the tension in the air. “How are you, Becca. How was your summer?”

Becca just shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about her summer.

“How’s Liz?”

“Different.”

“You mean a super bitch?”

Luci smacked his shoulder. “Blake!”

“No, he’s right.”

Luci just looked at her. “Oh, well, I’m sorry. I know she hated me, but—”

“Evie is her bestie now. I’m just background noise.”

Blake and Luci exchanged another look. “Oh. I’m sorry about that. No one should be made to feel like they’re background noise. Um, anyway, we’re planning something this Sunday, like a beach day.”

“Yeah, her boyfriend has a beach house,” he said, grinning. Luci pursed her lips.

“His parents have a beach house and don’t use the B-word.”

Blake gave Becca a playful grin. “She’s a little temperamental about it.”

“Anyway,” said Luci, rolling her eyes again, “Come join us. I heard the waves are supposed to be amazing.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna be surfing. You can join me.”

“I haven’t surfed in a while.”

“So join us.”

There was something earnest in Luci’s expression, a kindness in her smile that made Becca want to agree. But would she even be welcome? She could feel Blake studying her, watching her intently to see her next move. Would everyone be watching her the same way he was?

“I don’t know.”

“Liz doesn’t have to know. I know she’s going to a concert this Sunday with Evie.”

“She is?” Why hadn’t she known about that? As quickly as she thought it, Becca knew the answer. Because she was background noise, she wasn’t important enough to know what her friend was up to. Wasn’t important enough to be invited.

“You know what, yeah, I’ll come. Are we meeting at the complex?”

“Yup! We’re gonna carpool. It’s gonna be so much fun, Becs.”

“She means awkward.”

Luci shot him a glare. “No, I mean fun.” She smacked him again, and this time, Becca allowed herself to laugh. Blake gave her another smile, as did Luci. She didn’t deserve their kindness, but she was thankful for it.Becca sat in bed listening to her parents argue late into the night. More and more lately, their arguments filled the air. It was one thing when it was the occasional snap and the passive-aggressive attitude from her mother. Somehow, she was used to that. But now it seemed this screaming had become their new normal. And it was unbearable.

Half the time, she wished she could stay at her brother’s apartment. He had taken a leave to help figure out this, but had refused to stay in the house. That had just ended up being more fodder for the arguing, her mother accusing her father of driving their son away.

Something tapped against her window. Looking up, she saw Luci waving. God, she couldn’t remember the last time she had gone on the roof. She heard the other go up, Jason, Blake, Silvia, and Luci, and had thought about joining them several times. But whenever she got to her window, she thought against it, thinking herself unwanted.

“Hey,” she said, opening her window. Luci stood on the folding emergency ladder, holding it for dear life.

“Hi.”

Luci looked towards the door. “Come up here.” And with that, Luci climbed back up, waiting for Becca to follow. Looking back at the door herself, Becca listened to her parents arguing one last time before climbing up her desk and out the window.

Luci sat there waiting for her, her knees pulled up to her chest. “I heard your parents arguing.”

“They always argue,” she said, sitting next to her.

“Is everything okay?”

Becca shook her head. “I think they might get a divorce.”

“Oh. I’m really sorry to hear that.”

They let the silence hang between them, Becca’s parents arguing, complemented by the cicadas.

“Why Matthew?” she decided to ask. She needed to fill the silence with something other than her parents arguing.

Luci looked at her as if that was the last thing she expected her to ask. “Oh, well, it’s just not complicated with him, ya know? There’s no pressure, no expectations. We just act.”

“What about Jason? What about Cyrus?”

“Jason is too complicated. Everything with Amelia and Liz is too messy. I really don’t want to get in the middle of any of that. I don’t need more drama.

“As for Cyrus. I’m tired of waiting for him. He’s the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. He only wants me when I’m unavailable or when he’s not sober. And I’m tired of that. I’m tired of wanting a guy who can’t figure out how he feels about me.

“I still remember how he kissed me by the pool when I was dating Lucas. The way he kissed me haunts my dreams.”

“That seems like so long ago.”

“Sometimes it feels like yesterday. But with Matthew, we don’t expect anything from one another. It’s just easy. That’s what I like about being with him.”

“Dating Blake was sort of like that.”

Luci let out a deep breath. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, it is. We’d still be friends if I hadn’t done what I did. You, Blake, were really broken up about it. He thought about reaching out to you a couple of times.”

Becca took that knowledge and tucked it into her heart. Sometimes, she had thought about reaching out to him, too.

“It happened,” she said finally. “I’m kinda over it now. Over him.” It surprised her how much truth there was in that statement. “Anyway, I think I like being by myself.”

“Good for you. I hate being by myself. I think that’s part of my problem. I just can’t. I hate it, the silence there is.”

“Luci, you’re still seeing the school counselor, right?”

She nodded. “Every Wednesday. No one stops being a cutter, I don’t think. Sometimes, I think about it when the world gets too loud, on those days when everything hurts, and I want to pull my hair out and scream. But the desire to actually do it has kinda faded. But you know, all that is part of the reason I cut my hair.”

“Seriously?”

Luci nodded again. “Yeah. I just hated looking at myself. I hated my reflection and how my hair felt. I just wanted to be someone else. So I went into the bathroom with scissors and cut my hair. Honestly, it felt like this weight had been lifted from my shoulders, like I was a new person. But Liz is right; a new haircut doesn’t change who I am.”

“You’re not a bad person.”

“I’m not a good person either.”

“You’re human.”

“Meh.” But she smiled as she said it, offering her a playful wink. Becca smiled back at her, her chest aching.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Luci stared at her, confused. She had no idea what Becca had gone through this summer and how everything around her seemed to be falling apart. No idea how precious this small connection between them was.

“For bringing me up here. For inviting me to lunch not once but twice.”

“Becca, you’re my person. I care about you and this,” she said, pointing at the space between them, “This is important to me. I want to fix us. You’re a good friend.”

Becca shook her head. “No, not really.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I knew Francis was lying.”

Lucita flinched, but she didn’t draw back. Becca watched her tentatively, waiting for Lucita to pull away and abandon her the way she deserved.

Instead, all she said was, “Oh.”

“I didn’t know at first. But he told me right before he was suspended. I didn’t know it was going to get so bad. I didn’t realize how much Liz hated you, how angry she was. I should have said something.”

Luci bit her lip, then reached out, clasping her hand.

“I don’t think Liz would have listened to you. She needed to hate me. I was the reason Jason cheated on her, and I was the reason Francis cheated on her. I don’t think she would have listened to anyone. I don’t think she cared about the truth.”

They sat silently for the rest of the night, Luci holding her hand and watching the sunrise.

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