Rebecca tried not to listen to her parents argue over her headphones. She had sent Liz a text asking if she could come over. But, of course, Liz hadn’t texted back. As usual, she was probably out with Evie.

Someone knocked on her door, and Becca yelled for them to enter. Her brother stepped in, letting in her parents’ voices. She winced at her mother’s cursing.

“I’m gonna go get something to eat. Do you want to come with?”

She nodded, thankful for the escape. Becca grabbed her backpack, shoving a few books in. She had no intention of returning anytime soon.

The car ride had been silent; her brother popped in some music. She let the bass from his synthwave music fill the car. She wanted to bury herself deep into the car seat, to disappear. Still, she had to get through it, this feeling of loneliness, this guilt she had over her parents’ relationship. Was it her? Her fathers need to always rush to defend her from her mother? Was she the reason everything was falling apart at home?

They pulled into the parking lot of the local pizzeria just down the street from their apartment. Picking a booth in the back, her brother ordered a large meat-lovers pizza and two sodas for them.

“You can come stay with me, ya know,” said her brother.

“And when you go back to college?”

He shrugged. “We’ll deal with it when it happens. But, I mean, I know it’s rough, staying in that place, listening to them argue constantly. Just, you know, the offer stands.”

She stared at him, sitting on the knowledge she knew. “Dad cheated on Mom.”

Her brother let out a deep breath. “Yeah, I know.”

Rebecca jerked as if slapped. Why was she always the last person to know everything? Why was he acting like it was no big deal? How long had he known?

“I don’t—doesn’t that upset you?”

He shrugged. “I was, but then I wasn’t. Mom…she’s not great. She always kinda made me feel like I had to be perfect, and she always made you feel bad about how you look. Like, come on, don’t eat this, eat that. And with dad, she just…I just get it, I guess, with dad. I’m actually shocked he never did it before.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, you’re right. But, I mean, you can’t keep treating people like crap and expect them to take it, ya know? You push someone enough, and eventually, they’ll leave.”

Becca stared at her brother, taking in what he said. What happens when you push someone to their limits? Is this what happened? Secrets and lies? Heartbreak?

“I met her, ya know,” continued her brother, “The woman. I ran into her in the laundry room. She’s nice. I think—I think I would be okay if they got a divorce.”

“I don’t know if I’m there yet.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think you have to be okay with any of this. But honestly, I think we’d all be happier. I think we’d actually be better.”

Becca shrugged, refusing to answer. She didn’t know how to feel about her father, mother, or other woman. She thought about all the times her mother was cruel to her and her father, her father’s happiness, and her own.

She still hadn’t answered her brother when the pizza arrived, choosing to eat silently.

Her brother made his way to the apartment complex. She told him she would spend the night at his place tonight. He nodded, letting her out of the car, choosing to wait for her in the parking lot.

Walking along, ears attuned to arguing, she saw Luci sitting by the pool, headphones over her ears, writing her book. She could put off seeing her parents a little longer. Her brother didn’t mind waiting.

Luci looked up from her notebook, lowering her headphones around her neck. “Hey. How’s it going?” Luci sat, one leg crossed under her, the other propped up on the chair. For the longest time, she remembered being jealous of Luci’s small figure. But that was before she saw the scars on her thighs and realized Luci was as imperfect as her. As imperfect as everyone else.

“I’m okay. My parents are fighting, so I’m going to stay with my brothers for a bit.”

“That’s, wow. I’m sorry. You can always come by my place if you need a break.” Lucita smiled at her. It was a small, gentle, kind one that made her want to cry. She hadn’t even thought to ask, and here she was, this girl she had sided against, continually offering her kindness.

“That means a lot, thank you.”

“Anytime.” And there it was, this simple offering that Luci didn’t understand meant so much to her.

“My dad cheated on my mom,” she blurted.

Luci’s eyes bugged from behind her glasses. Sometimes, it caught her off guard how wide her eyes were without makeup.

“Oh. Um, I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever.”

“Not really. How does it make you feel?”

There it was, another kindness. No one had bothered to ask Rebecca how she felt.

“I don’t know. Like, how am I supposed to feel?”

Luci shrugged, not unlike her brother. “I don’t think you’re supposed to feel any way about it. You can feel however you want. You can be angry, and confused, and sad. Your feelings are valid.”

Rebecca just stared at her, all her emotions churning inside her. “I think they might get divorced.”

“Okay, and how does that make you feel?”

“Good?” It was confusing, but it also felt like this weight was being lifted off her, having someone willing to listen to her. “Like, my mom is terrible, but now there is this woman who makes my great and wonderful dad feel good. And, like, he deserves that, ya know. Everyone deserves happiness. So I guess, yeah, it makes me feel a little happy.”

“Okay, that’s cool. You know, this chick, I don’t think she expects you to like her. If your parents get divorced.”

“I don’t know if I should.”

“And that’s valid. I’m sure she’s filled with guilt over all this. I’m sure she has a lot of feelings, but you just have to focus on yourself. And make sure your dislike is because of your feelings, not out of some misguided loyalty to your mom, because, yeah, she’s awful, dude.”

“You sound like the school counselor.”

“Oh, well, she says a lot of things like how valid my feelings are, a lot. Turns out it really does work.”

“You still see her?”

Lucita nodded. “Every Wednesday after school.”

“Does it help?”

“Yeah. With everything. I sometimes, like, hate my reflection. The guilt eats at me, and I’m so angry some days. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone about all of it. Completely judgment-free, ya know. I can rant and scream, and she listens.”

They sat there silent.

“I regret it, ya know,” blurted Lucita. Becca looked at her, meeting her gaze. “Francis. I regret everything.”

“Lu—”

“Liz won’t listen. I can’t keep saying sorry. It was just supposed to be a friendly day at the bookstore. But you know, I felt something was wrong. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. But I just really wanted to ignore it. I just didn’t want to think about how messed up it would be to have set up my heartbroken friend with my ex. I didn’t want to think about how wrong I had been. So I just ignored it all.

“I knew something bad was going to happen. He kissed me, and I don’t know why I kissed him back. I think about it all the time. Like why? I didn’t even like him. Maybe I was caught up in the moment? I still don’t know. But I regret it. I regret dating him, I regret letting him put his hands on me, and I regret setting them up. It was all so stupid of me.”

Now it was her turn to offer her friend some kindness. And she was thankful for the opportunity to heal the rift that still lingered between them.

“It’s okay.”

Luci scoffed. “No, it’s not.”

Becca let out a deep breath. “Okay, no, it’s not. But I get it. I mean, Liz—she’s just mean, and Francis lied. He lied about a lot, and we should have let you talk. I’m sorry we didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

Becca offered her a smile, one she returned. Tentatively, both girls reached out and hugged one another. The hug was warm and welcoming, and only solidified what she had been struggling with. She had chosen the wrong person. She should have chosen Luci.

 

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