Becca sat in her new room at her dad’s apartment. Her brother was in the kitchen talking to their father. She could hear bits and pieces of the conversation about the divorce, about custody. Her brother had chosen their dad, but Becca still hadn’t decided what would be best for her.

She had most of her stuff, but a piece of her was worried about the things she had left behind. Had her mother gone in and destroyed everything she had left behind?

Her phone rang, and she was surprised to see Blake’s name on the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hey Becs, you busy?”

She looked at the closed door. “No, not really.”

“Wanna go to the beach and surf?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. Do you think your mom could give us a ride?”

“Oh, I’m not—I’m living with my dad right now.”

“Oh, um, okay—”

“I can ask my brother. He’s here. Taking a gap year.”

“Okay. Text me what he says.” Becca hung up, twirling her phone between her fingers. Did she really want to go out right now? She had piles of homework, her grades were slipping, and it was only October.

But everything was so confining. It drove her crazy to be in this room, in this apartment with her father and brother, away from her mother.

No more daily arguments or backhanded comments from her mother. She should have felt free, but instead, she felt trapped. Trapped and guilty. Her mom was alone, while her father and brother were with her.

Becca stepped out of her room and headed to the kitchen, where her brother and father were talking as they prepared lunch.

“Um, Dad?”

He turned and stared at her, a small, sad smile on his face.

“Yes, mijita.”

“Blake asked if I wanted to go surfing. Can I go?”

“Oh, um—”

“I’ll drive her. I’ll pick her up before dinner.”

They shared a look before her father nodded. “Okay then. Have fun.” He turned away, back to the cutting board of tomato slices.

“Go grab your board, I’ll meet you at the car.”

Becca nodded, grabbing her surf suit and board. Something was off. The way her brother and father had been talking, the way her father had seemed hesitant. What was going on?

Settled in the car, she looked at her brother, jaw clenched, as he pulled out of the driveway. She felt bad not giving Blake a ride, but she needed to discuss something with her brother. And she said as much to Blake, glad he understood. He wished her luck, telling her he’d bribe one of his sisters and meet her there.

“What’s going on with dad?”

He sighed, switching lanes. “Caught that, did you?”

“Ernesto?” she said, dragging out his name.

“Okay. So, Dad is inviting his girlfriend to dinner. I was trying to tell him it was too soon, and he was arguing about how it’s been months—”

“I just found out about her a couple of months ago—”

“I know. Look, I think he is just trying to figure this shit out.

She’s really nice, really patient. I’m sure it’s going to be awkward for all of us, but it’s going to happen sooner or later.”

They drove the rest of the way in silence. She couldn’t get out of the car fast enough, feeling like she was suffocating with this new revelation.

“Becca—”

“Bye!”

Practically leaping from the car, she almost dropped her board as she unloaded it from the top of the car, her fingers fumbling with the safety wraps. Becca did not want to continue this conversation with her brother; she did not want to talk about her father’s mistress coming to dinner.
Once the sand was between her toes, she shut her eyes and breathed.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Blake wasn’t there just yet. Looking out at the waves, she took it all in: the crystal blue sky, the bright water. Slipping her arms into the wetsuit she had worn, bunched around her waist, Becca zipped herself up, attached the safety hook to her ankle, and ran for it, kicking up sand behind her, diving into the ocean, her favorite escape.

The breeze, the sea air, the ocean.

This was the only place she didn’t feel like she was stuck in a locked room.

In.

Out.

The waves bounced beneath her; it was an exhilarating, freeing feeling.

And when the next wave came in, it was just her and the wave.

By the time she returned to shore, Blake stood alongside Luci and Matt. Luci was cheering at her, her own personal cheerleader. She liked to act like a doom-and-gloom girl, but Becca saw the other side of her. And there was Matt, his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Sorry I’m late, I couldn’t bribe my sister, but these two were at the pool, so it all worked out.”

“Traffic was also a nightmare,” supplied Matt.

“It’s cool. Sorry, I made you get your own ride.”

“Don’t even worry about it, man.” Blake grinned at her, his board beside him, his wetsuit bundled around his waist. There was a time when seeing him shirtless would have made her cheeks burn, but those days were long gone. Now she was just happy they were friends again.

“Becca, you looked great out there,” gushed Luci, lacing her fingers with Matt’s. Were they dating? Officially?

Becca blushed at her praise. “I wasn’t that great.”

Blake rolled his eyes. “Modesty doesn’t suit you. Come on, let’s get back out there.”

It was a great day, going out on the waves with Blake, laughing at him whenever he wiped out, and looking back occasionally to see Luci and Matt wrapped up together. Matt had his arms around her while she read.

By the time Blake and Becca called it quits, the two of them were making out, lost in each other.

Blake nudged her, pointing down the beach. “Let’s let the love birds have a moment.”

Becca followed him, unzipping the top part of her suit, letting it fall back around her waist, and standing on her board next to his as they stood away.

“Do you think they’re actually official?”

Blake shook his head. “No. She’ll always want Cyrus, and we all know Cyrus wants her.”

“She has feelings for Matt, too.”

“Oh, no doubt. But Matt doesn’t want to be her second choice. I think whatever they have is coming to an end, though.”

“Why do you think that?”

“They can’t stop touching each other. Before, it was more casual. Whatever happened at homecoming changed things. It’s like they’re trying to get their fill of one another before it blows up.”

“He wants her.”

“Figured. We all want someone we can’t have. She wants Cyrus, Matt wants her—”

“Who do you want?”

Blake was silent for a moment, blue eyes focused on the ocean. “Silvia.”

That caught Becca by surprise. “What?”

“I want Silvia. Every time I see her with Olivia, something in me clenches. It took me a hot minute, but I figured out I was jealous. But what can I do? Nothing.”

“You could tell her.”

“Fuck no. She’s got a good thing going with Olivia. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Okay.”

“So what’s going on with you?”

“Oh—”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”

“No, it’s okay. My dad moved out. He was having an affair. My parents are getting divorced, and now my brother told me that the woman is coming to dinner.”

“Shit.”

“It’s like I can’t breathe. I can’t focus. Whenever I’m home, I feel like there is a cage around my lungs, and I can’t breathe. My grades are starting to slip. I just can’t be there or around my mom because she’s so angry and takes it out on me. She blames me. I know it.”

“Becca—shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You know, you can come to my place whenever you want. I can help you with your homework and midterms so that you get your grades up.”

“Okay, thank you. That means a lot, Blake.”

“Anytime. Now let’s see if the love birds are done making out.”

***

Blake hitched a ride with Beca and her brother. Luci and Matt had decided to stay at the beach, pretending they were a couple when they weren’t.

It made Beca so confused. No one was really being honest with one another. Blake wasn’t being honest with Silvia, Matt wasn’t being honest with Luci, and neither was Cyrus. And her father…

Becca thought back to everything she had heard about her parents fighting. Her father has tried to talk to her, to be honest, but her mother never listened. That was the problem with her mother; she never wanted to listen to anything she didn’t want to hear. She just pretended they were happy when they weren’t.

Back at home, she showered off the seawater and sand, her fingers digging into her skull, shaking out every last speck of sand. Clean, her sense of freedom washed away; she sat on her bed and attempted to do her homework. But her eyes kept flitting to the clock on her bedside, counting down to dinner.

When the time came, she wasn’t ready.

“Hey,” her brother said, knocking on her door and peeking his head in. “It’s time for dinner.”

“Yeah, okay.”

She followed her brother into the room, where a woman was already sitting at the dining room table. Becca recognized this woman, having seen her around the complex. The woman jumped up, seeing Becca smoothing her soft blue dress.

“Hi, Becca, I’m Carmilla. It’s nice to meet you.” She stuck out her hand, a hopeful smile on her face. Not just hopeful, sincere. Kind. She had short, curly brown hair, tan skin, and bright green eyes. Becca looked over at her father, the hope in his eyes.

“Hi, I’m Becca,” she said, taking her hand.

“Oh, I know. You’re all your father talks about. I’m so glad to finally meet you.”

“Okay.” Becca sat down, biting her lip, looking away.

“Becca,” started Carmilla, retaking her seat, “I know you must hate me. I completely understand.”

Becca stared at her, shocked and aware of the silence filling the room. “I don’t know you well enough to hate you.”

“That’s fair.”

“You make my dad happy,” she continued before she lost her courage. “You seem honest, I guess.”

“Okay.”

“I’m not okay with this, though. No one should expect me to be okay.”

“Mija—”

“Let her talk,” said Carmilla gently.

Becca swallowed. “My whole world changed. I don’t blame you. I think you were just the straw that broke the camel’s back. But if it hadn’t been for you, it would have been something else.

“I’m not okay, though. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Do I like you? I don’t know. I don’t hate you, and somehow, that makes me feel guilty, angry, and exhausted.”

Everyone was silent, and Carmilla was shocked, gently reaching over and placing her hand on hers.

“That’s okay. I’ve been there. Where you are. I never thought I would be the other woman after that. But I am—”

“Carmilla—”

“No. It’s a fact. Lying about it doesn’t make it better. And Becca, you don’t have to like me. In fact, you don’t have to let me stay for dinner. If you want me to leave, I will. Just say the word.”

Becca stared at this woman who was so different than her mother. This woman was patiently listening to her without judgment, with kind eyes.

“You can stay.”

Carmilla nodded, smiling. “Okay. Thank you.”

Becca looked at her father, who was smiling proudly at her, and her brother, who sat across from her. He nudged her foot and winked at her. Maybe honesty really was the best policy.

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