Cyrus sat with Matthew in the school music room.

“That arrangement isn’t going to work,” said Matthew, holding his violin.

Cyrus scribbled something onto the music sheet. “I was up late working on this.”

“You’ve been up every night working on this. I live next door, remember. I see your light on. But this transition isn’t smooth. These two sections aren’t blending the way you want them to.”

Cyrus played the piece again on the piano with Matthew jumping in on his violin. Cyrus listened with his eyes closed, hating that Matthew was right. Something is off.

“I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Maybe try joining a different piece of Dearly Beloved to another arrangement in the song. Everything else is meshing together pretty well.”

“It’s just the ending.”

“Maybe don’t end with a mash-up. You open the piece with Dearly solo, so just close with it. A nice, crescendo.”

Matthew took the piece of music and scribbled on it.

“What’s going on here?”

Both guys looked up at Jaw as they entered the music room.

“Hey, babe. Sorry, lost track of time. I’m helping Cyrus out with his apology piece to Lu.”

Cyrus hated how he called her Lu. He wondered, watching Jae as they came over to sit on Matth’s lap, if it bothered them to. Jae looked at him beneath thick black lashes, meeting his gaze evenly. No, nothing seemed to bother them.

“So you’re working on a piece?”

Cyrus nodded. “I’m trying to combine two of her favorite pieces.”

“I still think you should have brought your electric piano.”

“I’m not dragging that shit to school.”

“I’m just saying, she loves synthwave, so maybe part of the problem is that you’re playing on a classic piano and it’s not gonna sound like this when you serenade her.”

Cyrus sighed, frustrated with how well Matthew knew her. It made him twitchy, anxious. “I need a smoke.”

“Dude.”

“I wish you didn’t know her so well.”

He hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t meant to address the elephant in the room, the thing that hung between them. Shoving his hands in his pocket, he stood there in the silence that followed, watching Matthew’s mind shift behind his hazel eyes.

Matthew let out a deep breath. “Yeah, well, we’re friends. Isn’t that why you asked for my help?”

Cyrus rubbed his hands over his face, trying to scrub away the thought of how much better Matthew was than he was.

“Yeah, I know.”

More silence hung in the air between them. “Jae, can you give us a moment? I have to talk to Cyrus privately for a sec.”

Looking back and forth between them, Jae seemed to study them. Jae saw too much, or maybe he just wore everything too plainly on his face, but Cyrus knew Jae saw his warring thoughts, his conflicted emotions. He could tell by the way they studied him.

“Yeah, okay.”

Leaving, Cyrus felt suddenly very uncomfortable being alone with his oldest friend.

“I never told you this, but there was a time, a moment, that I had to, I guess, take care of Lu.”

“What?”

“Matt sighed. “Do you remember how you just ghosted her at the beginning of seventh grade?”

As if he could ever forget, it was one of his biggest regrets. “Yeah. You guys wouldn’t stop teasing me about her.”

“Yeah, we were little shit heads, all of us. Okay, well, remember when she finally cornered you?”

Cyrus winced at the memory. He did not like that memory. “Yeah.”

He remembered it clearly. Wearing a black-and-white striped polo with a V-cut, she had cornered him in the stairwell, demanding to know why he was ignoring her. He had tried to get around her, but Lu had grabbed his arm, unwilling to let him go. And he had snapped, slapping her. Horrified with himself, with the sight of her eyes welling up with tears, he had run off.

“You slapped her.”

“You all thought it was so cool.”

“We were stupid kids.”

“Completely.”

“Anyway, I found her later, huddled in a dark corner of one of the hallways. She looked so pathetic. Then I noticed. She had this cut on her arm. It was deep, bloody, and she was just…I couldn’t leave her like that there, digging into herself.”

“Matt—”

“I dragged her to the bathroom. I didn’t say a word to her. I just cleaned her up, wiped down her arm, wrapped it up, and, well, I stayed with her. I don’t know for how long, but I stayed with her, and I held her.”

Cyrus just stared at him. “You took care of her.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s why you stopped teasing me.”

Matt sighed. “Remember, I had the hugest crush on you. So when I saw her, I just thought, ‘That could be me.’ You could be ghosting me. I was always scared that if you ever found out how I felt about you, you would abandon me like you did her. You did it so easily to her. So I understood her, where she was coming from, desperate for answers you were unwilling to give.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because she asked me not to. It became our secret, and I was more than willing to keep it.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because you think I know her so well based on this quasi-relationship we had with one another. But it has nothing to do with that. We are friends, and we were friends before that. We understand one another. It’s why I’m helping you. Because I know she’s hurting. I know what it’s like to love you and be hurt by you.”

Cyrus nodded, understanding and guilt filling him. “I get it.” He didn’t know why, but he pulled him into a deep hug. Matt was stiff at first, then relaxed, wrapping his arms around him, burying his head in his neck.

“I fucking miss us,” muttered Cyrus, holding him tightly.

Matt laughed. “I do too.” They sat there, hugging one another until Jae walked back in, coughing, forcing them to break apart.

“Glad you two made up.” Jae walked over, grabbed the sheet music, and looked it over.

“You need a second violinist.”

“What?”

“To help with the blend.” Jae handed Cyrus back his sheet music. “So I’m in. When are we going to serenade the girl?”

Cyrus grinned, pulling up a chair for Jae.

***

Cyrus’s plan was to do it right at the end of Thanksgiving break. So every weekend, until then, he got together with Matt and Jae and practiced. Together, they worked on Cyrus’s piece, adding more layers. Jae had been right; it had sounded better with two violins. It sounded complete.

When the day finally came, he was so nervous. Three weeks of practicing, three weeks of unspoken words, and here he was with his stereo, his keyboard, and chairs for Matt and Jae with their electric violins.

The night couldn’t be more perfect. It was a full moon, and Lucita loved it. She didn’t tell most people why, but it was because when she was younger, her mother had been robbed at gunpoint and sent to the hospital. Luci had been in Chicago visiting her grandparents. When she heard, she had prayed to the moon, not to a god but a goddess. She had prayed to Artemis, this figure she had learned of as a child, a huntress, moon goddess, and protector of women. It had made her feel safe.

A full moon was the perfect time to apologize. He may not believe in the Greek pantheon the way Lucita does, but he would still ask for forgiveness.

He sent a text to Blake, Silvia, and Jason, asking for their help with the setup, took one last look up at the full moon, and sent out a silent prayer for forgiveness. He needed Luci to forgive him, for all the pain, all the hurt. He needed to make it right.

***

Lucita sat on the sofa reading when she thought she heard music. It sounded almost like Kingdom Hearts.

“I wonder what that is,” her mother wondered out loud, getting up from her seat to peek out the blinds.

“It sounds like Kingdom Hearts.”

“Hmm,” muttered her mother, before stepping outside. Lucita watched the door, closing her book. She was getting curious herself. Was someone putting on a show? When her mother came back, she had a smile on her face.

“It’s for you.”

“What?” Lucita didn’t waste any time. She jumped from her seat in her oversized t-shirt, a remnant of her mother’s grunge days, and shorts, and ran outside barefoot.

The music was beautiful. Stepping up to the railing, she peeked over and stared down at the pool, her heart racing.

There sat Cyrus with his electric keyboard. Beside him, off to the side, sat Matt and Jae, both with their eyes closed, playing their violins.

Lucita bit down a smile and, barefoot, made her way down the stairs.

Cyrus was still playing, looking at her as she made her way to the pool area, opening the gate, eyes wide behind her glasses. Lucita didn’t know what to do except stand there. This was her happy song, Dearly Beloved, the song she played that instantly brought a smile to her face. But it was also something more.

When the music stopped, Matt and Jae put away their violins. Lucita just continued to stare at him.

“I wrote you this.”

“What?”

“I wanted to apologize. I wanted to make it right. So I thought about the things you love.” He bent down and grabbed the bouquet at his feet.

“Are those gardenians?”

“Yeah. I know they’re your favorite.”

Lucita stared at the gardenians warily, then looked back at him.

“That was Kingdom Hearts.”

“Kinda. I mashed it up with Claire de Lune,” he said, a little bashfully.

“You wrote that for me?”

“Yeah.”

A small part of her was screaming to walk away, to turn around, to ignore the kind and sweet gesture. But a larger part of her moved her forward. This part of her threw her arms around him, holding him tightly.

Don’t lose yourself…

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Luci,” he said, holding her tightly, his fists gripping her shirt as if he was afraid she would blow away, his breath against her neck. “I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

Matthew sat with Jae, watching Lucita and Cyrus hold one another. He felt a pang of jealousy, even while holding Jae’s hand. A part of him wanted to be the one holding her, to be the person she loved. He still wanted her, even now. He thought about the question Cyrus had asked him.

Do you have feelings for her?

Yes, he’d wanted to say. He wanted to scream yes; he thought he might love her. But what good would that do?

“They’re cute together,” said Jae, leaning their head on his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He bit down on the jealousy. “Cyrus just needs to get his shit together.”

“I think he will. Do you think they’re going to start dating now?”

“I guess we’ll see,” he said, all while screaming, begging him not to hurt her.

Lucita pulled away first. Cyrus wanted to kiss her, but instead he held her hand.

“I can’t date you yet.”

Her lips quirked up in a smile. “Yet.”

“Luci…I just need to be better for you, okay. I need to do better. You deserve that.”

She nodded, lacing her fingers with his. “Okay.”

“I just…I wanted you to know how I feel.”

She smiled at him, her cheeks turning red, eyes beaming. “Okay, I can wait.”

He nodded, his heart lighting up at the sight of their entwined fingers. “Let me take you out next weekend.”

“Like a date?” She was grinning now, all teeth and gums and joy.

Cyrus let out a light laugh. “Yeah, a date. Movies?”

She nodded. “Okay.” Cyrus wanted to kiss, to hold her close, to be hers completely. But not yet, not when he felt so unworthy of her.

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