Cyrus stood outside Lucita’s apartment on Valentine’s Day. Today, he would tell her how he felt today.

“Dude, chill,” said Matthew, leaning over the hood of his car. They drove separate cars, but Cyrus wanted to spend the day with Lucita.

He wanted to tell her he loved her.

“It’s not too cheesy, right? To do it today?”

“Oh no, it’s completely cheesy. But don’t let that stop you from doing it.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. Flowers, he should have bought her flowers. Why didn’t he stop and buy her flowers?

“Dude, you need to chill, your nervous energy is going to make her nervous.”

“I should have bought her flowers.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “You already did that.”

“Yeah, but I should have done it again. Why didn’t I—” he stopped when he saw her exiting the stairway alongside Becca, Blake, and Vee. She stared at him, eyebrows pinched, confused.

“Cyrus, what are you doing here?” She looked at Matt. “Hey Matt.”

“Hey, Lu. Alright, well, that’s my cue to leave.” He winked at Lucita, shoving Cyrus off the hood of his car.

Cyrus watched Lucita walk to him, her bag slung over her shoulder, her book in hand, in black jeans, a red tank top, and three-inch-high wedge sandals. How did she do that every day?

“Hey, Lu. Well, you know. Do you want to skip school with me today? We could see a movie or go to the beach. Anything you want.”

Lucita’s brown eyes, winged in thick black eyeliner, widened behind her glasses, a small smile on her face, slowly growing wider and wider.

“Yeah, we can do that. Ooo, let’s go play mini golf!”

Cyrus stared at her, dumbfounded. “Mini golf?”

“Jesus Christ, Luce,” laughed Vee. “Well, have fun, you guys!” The trio got into Blake’s car, leaving Lucita alone with Cyrus. He just stared at her, heart racing.

“Okay, let’s go.”

***

Cyrus took Luci to the only mini-golf place he knew. Sure, he had gone golfing with his dad on occasion, but he’d never done this as a date. Not that he even dated much. Or ever. There was Tiffany, but that didn’t count anymore. It never counted.

“Oo, I’m so excited!” She jumped as he paid for their clubs and balls.

The attendant looked at them, a small smile on her lips.

“Course starts out that door.”

“Thanks,” said Cyrus, grabbing the equipment and leading the way. Lucita stepped up to him, eyes wide and happy. Staring at her, he noticed how she had also dusted her waterline with red eye shadow. Always one to dress to the theme, he loved that about her, her creativity and bravery to be herself.

“Cyrus?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this a date?” He stopped walking and looked down at her, eyes stopping at her lips.

“Do you want it to be?”

She bit her lip, looking away, cheeks red.

“This is gonna be fun.”

They started, and Lucita got a hole-in-one on her first shot. The next three holes were all misses.

Stepping up behind her, on the fourth hole, he wrapped his arms around her, hands wrapping around hers.

“Here, hold your hands like this, put your foot here. Yup, just like that. Now, look at the hole. You need enough force to get it over the hump, but too much and you’re gonna overshoot the hole.” He let her go, heart racing at being so close to her, and let her hit the ball.

He could kiss her; he could do it here and now. He should have said, “Yes, this is a date.” He should just say the words ‘I love you.’

But he didn’t.

Something was eating away at the inside of his stomach as he watched her hit the ball.

The ball got in the hole, and she jumped for joy, only to slip in her stupid three-inch heels.

“Luci!” he caught her just before she hit the ground.

“Fuck!” she swore, eyes watering. He tried to help her stand, but she winced in pain.

Bending down, Cyrus lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bench beneath the gazebo nearby.

“I don’t know how you do it. Walk in those heels all day.”

“I’m comfortable in them. I like the height.” Her arm was still draped over his shoulder, her face close to his. He studied her lips, how the bottom lip was just a little fuller than the one above it, the dip in it giving it a heart shape. He would do it; he could kiss her. God, he wanted to kiss her.

“Here, let me see what’s up with it.” She scooched further down the bench, and he took off her shoe to massage her foot and ankle.

“Thanks for taking me out. I wasn’t really feeling it today.”

“Why?”

“My mom hasn’t been taking her meds.”

Cyrus stopped and looked up at her. “Lu—”

“I’ve been staying with Vee, but I can’t stay there forever. Maybe the week. I told her I’m not coming home until she takes her medication.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m scared, you know. Not so much of her, but of being like her. I don’t hurt as much, ya know. I haven’t had a really bad day in a while. Like when everything from my hair to my fingernails hurts. But what if one day I turn into her? What if one day I have to rely on medication?”

“Would that really be so bad? To know you can take something to make you better?”

“No. I guess that’s not the part that scares me. What if I forget and then get it in my head that I’m fine? Like her. What if I think I’m okay? I know I’m not. I know that just around the corner, the depression and anxiety are waiting to rear their ugly heads. I’m not scared to face that reality. Not with all of you.” She looked up at him, eyes wide.

“You’ll always have us. You’ll always have me.” She smiled up at him, moving close enough to lay her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

***

Cyrus flopped on his bed, taking out one of his hidden joints from the bottom drawer of his nightstand. With Luci’s ankle hurting, they ended mini golf early, went to the movies, and grabbed lunch.

He hadn’t told her he loved her. Not when she threw her arms around him after wiping the floor with him at Skeeball at Dave and Busters. Not at lunch when they split the dessert. Not even when she kissed him on the cheek, close to the corner of his lips, and said goodbye.

He lit the joint, heading out of the house to the pool area. He saw Matt over the fence, sitting by the pool’s edge, notebook in hand. It bothered him to see him embody qualities of Luci, qualities he learned to embrace because of what they had been to one another. It bothered him that they had so much, too much, in common.

“Knock, knock,” he said, opening the gate.

Matt looked up, black hair falling over his hazel eyes. “How’d it go?”

“I didn’t tell her.”

“You chickened out?” Cyrus flipped him off, closing the gate that connected their pool areas.

“Not exactly. She was…things with her mom aren’t great. So I thought about just giving her a day to chill. No expectations.”

“And you chickened out.”

“Yup. I’m a fucking coward. But I’ll tell her.” He took a seat in one of the pool chairs, leaning back into it. “I’ll tell her.”

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