Eris stood at Nivette’s grave. It was the third time this week he had stood there, deep in the dark woods where only the crickets and birds accompanied him. He stood there like he always did, his hands tucked into his pockets, his shoulders slumped. In a way, he was thankful Selene had ripped out her heart; it had left him a body to bury and had been Nivette’s desire, considering the heartbreak she must have felt. He only wished she had perished knowing he loved her.

“I shouldn’t have sent you after Selene. I didn’t think she would kill you; I didn’t think at all. But you wanted that, didn’t you? Selene is good, but you’re older, and she had a soft spot for you. You could have taken advantage of that, but you didn’t. Can’t say I blame you.” He sighed. “I feel like I’m going insane, talking to a grave.”

You’re not going insane.

Eris let out a hollow laugh. “Oh boy, now I’m imagining your voice.”

What if that only makes you human?

“I stopped being human a long time ago; all this does is verify that I’m losing my mind. My thoughts humor me in your voice.”

You were always a trivial one, even before you were Eris.

A smile crept upon his face. “Oh, you mean when I was Viktor? That life was even longer ago. That name does not determine who I am. Viktor was a proper gentleman who certainly didn’t sleep around and only had eyes for you.”

Until you met Azelia.

“Yes, before I met Azelia. You know, now that I think about it, it was only as Eris that I was a cheating bastard…until I met Azelia. I wonder what made this life different.”

Selene, you idiot. You were given a sister, and the bond between the two of you was stronger than anything…except that with Azelia. With you and Selene, you were twins in your souls.

Eris scoffed, leaning down to touch the ground. “You’re right, having a sister changed everything. I don’t regret that, though; I don’t regret her creation and that bond. Knowing what I know, life would be empty without her.”

“How sweet.” Eris leaped up. To his left stood Shira, leaning against the trunk of a willow tree. There had been no mocking undertone in her statement. In fact, it looked like she genuinely meant it. Of course, Senid had been her twin, so maybe a part of her understood.

“What do you want?” Eris hadn’t intended to be so harsh with her, but at Nivette’s grave, it seemed like he was spitting on her grave by conversing with Shira there. Still, he felt horrible when he saw how sad she looked.

“I guess I deserve that. I played my part in all this tragedy.”

“If I could, I would place all the blame on you.”

Head cocked to the side, she looked at him briefly, studying his face, studying him. “How much do you remember? Do you remember me?”

“I don’t remember everything, not really,” he finished staring back at the grave. “I just know things. I know the Goddess’s real name, both of them. I know I had a life with Nivette, that I’ve lived before. But it’s all fragments, memories that pass like a dream.”

“How did you know your name was Viktor once?”

“Because,” he said, touching the ground, “it’s what Nivette called me in my dream last night.”

“Do you remember any others?”

“No.”

“Do you like not being able to remember? To see only fragments?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had one life to remember, and sometimes I wish I could remember them all. You can’t imagine how it feels, knowing you’ve lived more than once, losing it all just when you think you’re close. It’s like they’re all locked behind doors and no amount of magic or strength can open them.”

“Maybe the answer to unlocking them is easier than you think, Eris.”

Eris looked up at her, catching her gaze. “Why all the interest all of a sudden?”

“Curiosity and hope.”

“Hope for what?”

This time, she smiled and stared up at the full moons, whose light lit up her skin. “For me.” It was a simple response one he barely got to respond to before she vanished in what looked like a dark puff of smoke. Eris tried to reach out to her, but she was already gone, somewhere deep in the Shadow Realm.

She loves you.

“I know.”

***

Jeanette prepared the potion for Eris alongside Eno and Dimitri in the little apartment they rented deep within the Darkling District. It was a narrow place, with only two rooms and a bathroom, not that they needed it much. It was the only place they had that was perfectly spelled to keep out everyone except Eris, Blake, and her fellow hunters. Her ears twitched at the sound of an engine revving. She knew it was Eris getting off his motorcycle. The revving was his signal. Once meant he was alone; twice meant he had been followed and that they needed to escape through their looking glass and destroy the potion.

She was relieved that it was only once.

Watching him enter, smiling at her, she lost herself in her memories. Memories of the days when she used to daydream about him, back when she had been sick with love and naive with it. He had always had a charming smile, and his demeanor always softened when he was around Selene. That had been a long time ago, back when she thought she would marry him.

“How is everything?” he asked, leaning against the wall, dropping his helmet to the ground. Bits of dried paint made their way onto his shoulder. Annoyed, he brushed them off.

“Everything is fine,” she said, offering him a smile.

Eris scrunched up his eyes. “You’re smiling; you never smile.”

“I was just thinking. Seeing you walk through that door brought back memories of what I thought my life would be. It’s funny how things change.”

“Why did you love me? I was a jerk.”

“Not always,” she said, stirring the potion counterclockwise three times. Eno sprinkled some Fairy Dust into the potion before pushing Dimitri into the other room, just ten feet away.

“Really? Jeanette, I cheated on you several times, and I never apologized or tried to hide any of it. You loved me—”

“The way you were with Selene,” she said, cutting him off. “It was the way you took care of her when we were kids and the way you took care of the children in the village. All of that made me forgive you, again and again, cause that’s how I imagined you would be with our kids. That made it okay because that was the real you, and I saw that even then. I lost sight of it when you broke my heart, but come to think of it, I think I was more in love with the idea of love than with you.” Jeanette turned away, lowering the heat on the small stove.

Eris stared at her, bewildered. “Jeanette—”

“You know you tried to hide the real you, tried so hard not to care about anything. Why?” This time, it was her chance to study him.

“I didn’t know who I was. The real me. I still don’t. The only thing I’ve ever been certain about is Selene.”

“Well, she was the only thing you ever really cared about.”

Offering him another smile, she cupped the side of his face. “We’ve all come a long way from who we used to be, you most of all.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“You just lost your way, but don’t worry, this is the last batch I’ve been told to make you. She of the Light said so.” Jeanette paused for a moment, biting the inside of her lip while she tried to figure out what to say. “Eris, I see you, and even though you are not the boy I fell in love with, you are neither the man I grew to hate. You have my trust and my respect. Trust me when I say you are better than you ever were.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I do.” Jeanette stood on the tips of her toes and kissed his nose lightly. To her relief, she felt nothing more for him.

“Thank you, Jeanette.” He touched his forehead to hers. Had she ever truly loved him, she asked herself, or had her infatuation and societal ideals made her blind? As for him, she knew that even though he cared deeply for Nivette and Shira, there had only ever been one person he truly loved.

“You should find Azelia,” said Jeanette, pulling away to check the potion.

“I’m not sure she would want me after all I’ve done.”

“Oh, stop being stupid. She loved you, and she was the only person you ever loved more than Selene. That means something, Eris.”

“Does it?”

“Stop making up excuses and go find her. Isn’t that the whole reason you remained a Vampyre?”

“Half. The other reason was to kill Senid. I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You weren’t given a choice, Eris.” Jeanette turned off the stove and set the pot in the ice-filled sink. Ice cracked beneath it. In a mortar, she crushed dried lilies, lavender oil, and diamond dust until it was paste. She could feel Eris’s eyes on her as she added it to the cooling potion, turning it into a clear and shimmering liquid, as though sunshine were lighting up this little pool of water.

“Do you think this potion would work on Jason?” asked Eris.

“It won’t,” answered Eno. “You were infected with darkness by Shira’s blood. Jason chose this path of his own free will.”

Someone knocked on the door, jerking all of their attention. Slowly, the door opened, causing all of them to tense up. In his black leather jacket and pulsing red eyes, Eris looked like a feral beast. Even gentle Eno looked poised to kill. At the sight of Blake and Calista, they all began to relax.

“I wouldn’t relax just yet,” said Calista, and she moved to the side of the room alongside Blake. Both of them winced as though in pain. “She’s right.” Something struck Jeanette’s thoughts, sending her to her knees alongside Eno and Dimitri. Only Eris stood, his fist clenched, his jaw tight. Looking up as she clutched her head, past the white dots that began to fill her vision, she saw two people she wished she hadn’t stepped past the door. Hetiro and Gabrielle of the King’s Garrison stood at the entrance, their eyes blood red.