I know, who really wants to hear about my love life?  No one, besides, nothing to tell, as of right now, it is nonexistent.  Yup, non-existent.  My boyfriend (on-and-off 6 years) ended things.  Does it hurt?  Well yeah, I mean we didn’t completely cut each other out of each others lives.   That didn’t happen.  He’s my best friend.  I was just having doubts.  You those doubts of whether or not I was with him for the right reasons.  Was I with him because I loved him or was I with him because I was afraid of change? Afraid of being alone?  And I care about him too much to keep hanging like that.  So I pushed away, pushed him enough for him to break up with me.  But then he went and apologized, making me feel even more horrible.  I think he got the sense that I was letting him go, so I told him the truth.  Something I should have told him earlier instead of letting it build.  I’m an idiot, I know that.  I suck at relationships, I have a temper and I know it.  I do try to maintain it though.

But anyway, it might be good for me to be alone for a little while, until I sort myself out.  God, I feel like such a chick writing this.  Like Carrie from Sex in the City…AND I DIDN’T EVEN WATCH THAT SHOW!!

I can only hope that everything will be okay in the end.  That is my hope, my wish.  I wish he would move on, I don’t like him hanging on to me, waiting for me to sort out my shit.  He loves me, I don’t deserve him.  I put him through a lot of shit, not gonna lie.  I admit it, I admit I’m not good for him.  But he loves me.  I wonder how long it will take me to figure myself out.  It’s never easy I suppose.  Oh well, who said life was easy?  What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

Picture Source: Deviant Art