Matt pulled the car in second at the finish line right behind Cyrus. He tried not to feel bitter about coming in second. Again. Even high as a kite, the guy could drive.

“That’s three for three, man.” Cyrus walked over towards him, helmet under his arm, taking off his gloves.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t rub it in.” He hopped out of the car, running towards his friend.

“Man, it’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

“Yup. So, why haven’t you asked Luci out yet? And I mean, really ask her out.”

Cyrus stopped walking, and Matt just leaned against his car, staring at him as he took off his gloves.

“Tiffany stopped by during Christmas break.”

Matt just glared at his friend, overcome with protectiveness toward Luci.

“Do not tell me you hooked up with her again.”

Cyrus spun around, eyes wide. “Hell no. No. I didn’t even let her in the house. No, it just. It reminded me of why I’m not dating her.”

“You’ve got to get over that.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “No, I know. I know that, but it was…fuck it was everything, not just that. God, you know what I said to her, to Luci. I said her love scares me.”

Matt knew this. “Does it?”

“It terrifies me. God, she loves me. He fucking loves me, and I know I’m not good enough. Like, fuck, how do I love someone back like that?”

“Well, that’s the question.”

“What?”

“Do you love her?”

Cyrus’s hazel eyes narrowed on him. “Do you?”

Matt shrugged, like it didn’t matter, like he didn’t hate the whole situation. “I caught feelings for her, sure. But no, I don’t love her. Now, what about you?”

Cyrus stared at him, not sure if he completely believed him. “I don’t know. I know that when she’s not there, it’s like there is this void. I miss her. I miss her being around. It’s like my world lights up with her in it.”

“Maybe figure out first if you want to be with her because you want her or if you’re doing it because you don’t want to lose her.”

Cyrus just continued to stare at him, at a loss for words. “I don’t know.”

“Well, figure that shit out, dude.”

Cyrus knew he was right, knew he had to get his head on straight and figure out everything.

“I’m gonna run a few laps. Catch you later.”

“Yeah, man, later.” Matt gave him a high five before running off.

Cyrus zipped his jacket back up, strapped on his gloves, replaced his helmet, and hopped back into the car.

It drove him crazy to think about Tiffany. Not that he was thinking about her romantically. He hated her. But he thought about the day she had come over, that first time.

He was still upset that Luci and Matt had slept together and kept it from him. Not that they were obligated to tell him, but he had just always thought he and Luci would lose their virginities to one another. And he definitely never thought she would lose it to Matt of all people.

And then Tiffany had come by. His family had been out; he’d been home alone, playing video games and sulking, when the doorbell rang.

Of all the people he hadn’t expected to see, it was her, her green eyes sparkling with mischief.

He knew he shouldn’t have let her in the door. He should have slammed the door in her face.

He shouldn’t have opened it in the first place.

But he had been high out of his mind and lonely.

And, if he was being honest with himself, heartbroken.

Cyrus had known that doing it would hurt Luci. But that’s what he had wanted. He had wanted to do someething ot make the anger go away. He thought he was hurting her. But what he was really doing was hurting himself.

And after, he had felt nothing but shame and fear.

Fear that he would lose Luci forever.

Because he did love her.

He slammed on the brakes, pulling into the tire pit, hands gripping the steering wheel.

He loved her.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

The way she sat, closed to the world while she wrote. The way she loved with all her heart.

H loved her.

He’s always loved her.

“God, I am such a fucking idiot.”

***

Cyrus raced up the walkway towards Matt’s house, banging on the door like a crazy person. Sure, he had a key, but he didn’t know about bursting in like he owned the place would be received.

“Dude, what the –”

“I love Luci!” he said, bursting in so much for not bursting in like a madman. Matt’s mom stood in the hallway, washcloth in her hands. He smiled bashfully at her.

“Hola madrina.”

“Hola.”

“Dude.”

“Sorry. Sorry, I was just driving and thinking about Luci. I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

Matt smiled at him, as if this wasn’t new information. “Yeah, okay. Mom, Cyrus, and I will take a couple of plates to my room.”

“Muy bien.”

Cyrus and Matt each grabbed a plate of arroz con pollo and headed to his room. Cyrus was too excited to eat, though.

“So you love Luci. I mean, I already figured that out. How did you come to realize that?”

“I was drivin. I was just thinking about Tiffany, how I slept with her because I was angry and heartbroken with Luci ya know. And then I thought about how ashamed and scared I was about it. How I was fucking terrified of losing her.” He shoved a spoonful of food into his mouth, inhaling it.

“Because you love her.”

Cyrus swallowed, not wanting to talk with his mouth full, barely tasting the food. “I’ve always loved her. Even in middle school, you and the guys were such dicks about her having a crush on me. Like it was unfathomable. And I thought teasing her would make me cooler.

“But when we spent that one summer talking on the phone. It was the best part of my day, talking to her. And I liked her. I wanted to ask her out. I would have to. I had the whole thing planned. I asked her to meet me somewhere private, but then you guys got to me first and got in my head, and I blew her off…and then everything went back to the way things were before.”

Matt stared at him. “I didn’t know you spent the whole summer talking to her.”

“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you guys to tease me again. But you did anyway.”

Cyrus shoved a couple more spoonfuls of food into his mouth, finally calming down. There it was, everything that he had held close to his chest, finally out in the open. It was like aweight had lifted off him.

“I’m sorry we teased you.”

Cyrus shrugged, like it was nothing. Maybe now it was. “Water under the bridge.”

“You were gonna ask her out?”

“I was. I was so excited to see her again, after three months of just hearing her voice. When I did, man, it was like this wave of guilt and shame because you guys teased me and bullied her, and I—I let you. Do you know how many times I wanted to run after her? Every time her eyes watered, I wanted to call after her, to tell you all to shut your mouths. But I didn’t have the guts. You guys were my oldest friends and I…I cared more about how I looked than about her.”

“We were all little shits. We shouldn’t have teased you like that and her…we shouldn’t have bullied her so much.”

Matt felt a stab of guilt. His friend could have been this happy for years if he hadn’t been such a little asshole.

“When are you going to tell her?”

“Fuck. I don’t know. I want it to be perfect, not over a text or over the phone. I just want it to be perfect for her. She deserves perfect.”

Matthew couldn’t agree more.

Order ‘New Girl,’ the first in my YA Romance series.